Bikini Prep Series

2 Weeks Out! | Struggling

We’re 2 weeks out from OCB Battle of the Godz and I’m ready to battle. I can’t even tell you how much I can relate to the name of this show. The year has been one of the hardest for me both financially and mentally. I’ve had to do things I never dreamed of to keep a roof over my head, and have struggled with self loathing more than I’d ever admit to most people. I want to finish this year strong with a pro card, but at the same time, I know I don’t deserve it because I haven’t been 100% on protocols, so this will be my last show of the season until I can get my life in order.

I have not been able to drop weight and am still steadily sitting between 132.6-134 even though I cut food and increased cardio beyond my protocols to make up for my depression mishaps.

As a graphic designer and photographer with many years of experience and education, I’m in a dark place that at 36 I still have not been able to obtain a life sustaining career or partner. I feel very alone and unwanted. Like Anne of Green Gables in the beginning. My only family who cares about me is my Mom who moved to Florida a few years ago, which is where I’ve been applying to design jobs still hoping I can manage a career that can keep a roof over my head so I can continue to compete and try for that pro card!

2 weeks out check in 132.4 lbs

BUT we have 2 weeks to be on point. I can do it. I have a renewed faith in myself and God’s plan for me. I’m being challenged so I can be better. I’m being challenged so I can be the best.

I stayed home from work at my bar job last weekend to focus on reducing stress, resting, hitting my lower macros, and avoiding anything that might put me off track. I think it was a good decision because I stayed home to work on marketing my business, social media, and enrolling in a marketing certificate course.

There’s nothing left to do but work hard, pray hard and dream big!

Also if you want to check out my photography work, here’s the link:

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